A Guide on How to Dirty Talk in Bed for Beginners

Learning how to dirty talk can add spice to your sex life when done right. Unfortunately, the opposite is also true: nothing can kill the mood quite as quickly as saying or being told something off-putting during sex. More often, people struggle with what to say, and choose to stay quiet. In this guide, we’ll look at how to overcome your inhibitions and give dirty talk examples to try with your sweeties. 

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How to Talk Dirty During Sex With Confidence

Becoming an expert word pervert requires confidence above all else. If you don’t believe what you’re saying, your partner probably won’t either. Even if you keep your dirty talk relatively simple, delivery is key.

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Start Simple and Practice

• Put your embarrassment to the side; you’ll get better with practice!
• Compliments are always a good start.
• Don’t overthink what you’re saying.

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Real-life couple Asteria and Ulysses share how they got started dirty talking in their relationship. Ulysses shares how even as someone who leans shy, practice and understanding what your partner likes makes all the difference when it comes to talking during sex.

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Build the Sexual Tension Before Bed

Keep in mind that dirty talk doesn’t start and stop in the bedroom. Flirting with your partner helps to increase the sexual tension and will lubricate you for dirty talk once you’re naked. People in long-term relationships often want to try dirty talk to bring back a spark but then feel awkward when the time comes to try it. Back up a few steps and start the process before you get into bed. A dirty text message while you’re at work, a naughty whisper at dinner, or simply letting your partner know how horny you are can set the mood and make it easier to continue when you’re in the moment. 

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"Keep in mind that dirty talk doesn’t start and stop in the bedroom. Flirting with your partner helps to increase the sexual tension and will lubricate you for dirty talk once you’re naked."

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Find Your Dirty Talk Style

Getting out of your head is simpler said than done. And while “fake it ‘til you make it” might work for some, it’s not particularly helpful for chronic over-thinkers. In the long run, what’s more important is to understand what style and tone you want to use and that works with your partner’s desires. Are you someone who likes to give orders? Who is a master seducer? Who dishes out praise? Or perhaps you’re bratty in bed. Understanding the type of dirty talk that feels most natural for you will help you feel more confident in your delivery. It may take a bit of time before you figure out what works, but don’t be afraid to return to lines that worked in the past and build from there.

What Should You Say During Sex?

Like all sex skills, your dirty talk will improve the more you do it. And talking during sex doesn't have to be a mood killer. Actually, ongoing communication can even make sexual experiences more enjoyable for everyone. The Gottman Institute's guide to sexual communication and consent explores how to express your desires and ask for what you want.

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If you’ve never had luck with dirty talk or don’t know what to say, start with easy phrases that describe what you like and don’t. Some starter dirty talk examples could be:

• “That feels good.”
• “Keep going.”
• “Just like that.” 
• “Do you like that?”

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These phrases are the universal gateways to dirty talk. They can provide helpful feedback for your partner to understand better what works, so be genuine. If something isn’t working for you, don’t tell your partner to do more of it! Once you’ve mastered these basics, you can use descriptive phrases to help paint a picture of what you are about to do. 

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"Like all sex skills, your dirty talk will improve the more you do it. And talking during sex doesn't have to be a mood killer. Actually, ongoing communication can even make sexual experiences more enjoyable for everyone."

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Give Your Partner Something to Work With

If you’re playing an active role, try to limit the number of open-ended questions you ask. Many people freeze up when asked, “What do you want next?” or things to that effect because the question feels broad. Further, that phrasing misses a crucial opportunity to paint a dirty picture for your partner. Instead, try giving them some options. If you’re feeling more confident, this is where you can add some explicit details. 

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Find a Tone That Turns You On

As we mentioned earlier, figuring out the style of dirty talk that feels natural for you is important. However, many people tend to overdo it when they feel uncomfortable, trying on ridiculously over-the-top characters. If that’s fun for you and your partner, by all means, go for it. You can even check out these role play ideas for some inspiration. But when I discuss tone, what I mean is giving voice to your sexual self. There’s a good chance you don’t have a clear idea of what tone feels normal for you, so this is a good time to experiment. If you try talking about your likes but find it too boring, maybe try giving your partner instructions or praise. There are endless ways to frame the same statement simply by modifying the contextual tone. 

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Descriptive Dirty Talk Examples

You can say “I like when you lick my nipples,” but you can also rephrase it as “keep looking at me while you lick my nipples.” Or “I’m getting so wet from you licking my nipples.” Here are some other descriptive dirty talk examples:

• “I love the feeling of your lips against my stomach/neck/[insert body part].”
• “Your hands feel so good rubbing my thighs.”
• “The way you touch my inner thighs drives me crazy.”
• “I love the feeling of your wet lips against my dick/pussy/[insert body part].”
• “I love it when you pull my hair.”
• “I can feel how turned on I’m getting when you touch my dick/pussy.”

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Your turn, come up with some more phrases that you would turn on your partner!

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Using Dirty Talk in Kink and BDSM

If you’re into D/s dynamics, you can use dirty talk to reinforce your position. You can take the BDSM test if you’ve never explored kink dynamics but are curious. Make sure you discuss with your partner ahead of time if you want to try certain personas or moods that might be more sensitive like humiliation/ degradation or age regression. Remember, you will want to establish safer play practices like safe words (or the stoplight system) and aftercare rituals during these discussions.

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Tips on How to Dirty Talk in Power Dynamics 

• Dirty talk can be integral to setting up D/s dynamics, practice speaking from your power position.
• Make sure you know your partner as well as your own limits.
• Have check-ins after to make adjustments to your scenes.

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What Do You Like to Call Your Genitalia?

My guess is you probably don’t want to use the term “genitals” within the context of sexy time. So what works for you? What words best fit your partner? Some people don’t like to use profanity so saying “cunt” might feel awkward or unnatural, while others think “pussy” is too cutesy. We all have our preferences and it’s nice to understand what words people do and don’t like ahead of time. Trans people especially may have gender-affirming preferences that may not necessarily correspond to their anatomy. While we’re discussing words for genitals, the same applies to other body parts and physical attributes.

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Praise Is More Than Saying “Good Girl”

One of the common themes in dirty talk is praise. And hands down the most overused phrase is “good girl”. While that may get some of you off, for others it signals an exhausting lack of creativity and effort, a real turn off. Instead try some phrases that affirm your partner’s skills or qualities. It’s rare that many of us get the recognition we deserve in everyday life and sexual praise can nourish that appetite. Don’t be afraid to get specific with your praise and really communicate your appreciation. 

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Make Your Compliments Specific 

• Stay away from tired old sayings. 
• Good praise is rooted in attention to detail and noticing what your partner is doing. 
• Offer up genuine compliments that reinforce what you enjoy. 

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Need Inspiration? Listen to Free Erotic Audio!

If you want to learn how to arouse your partner with words, check out Lustery POV’s free erotic audio. Listen to real-life people share sexy voice notes with each other. Like the one Kaylee Neighbor sent to Cosmic Kitti before they swapped boyfriends for 24 hours. 

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Time to Talk Dirty

Learning how to dirty talk isn’t about memorizing the perfect line or transforming into someone you’re not. It’s about getting comfortable expressing what turns you on, telling your partner what feels good, and having fun exploring what makes you both tick. Start with a compliment, describe what you love about their body, or whisper something suggestive before you even get to the bedroom. And if you stumble over your words? Laugh it off and try again. The best dirty talk is the kind that feels good to you both, so keep communicating, stay curious, and don’t be afraid to get a little creative.