What Is Tantra? With Sexy Hippies Jason and Melissa
Sexy Hippies Melissa and Jason explain what is tantra through this unpretentious, non-dogmatic guide.
Have you ever wondered, 'what is tantra,' but aren’t sure how to go about it? Or perhaps you’ve written it off as some exotic, ritualistic fad reserved for pseudo-spiritual new-agers?
I’m here to tell you that it’s quite simple—no gadgets, incense, or special courses required. All you need is a bit of time and a willingness to be present.
What Is Tantra, and Who Is It For?
With roots in Buddhism and Hinduism, going as far back as the seventh century, traditional Tantra involves rigorous practice, study, and personal dedication with the goal of spiritual awakening or enlightenment.
When we speak of Tantra today, especially here in the West, we usually mean Neo-tantra, a direction developed over the past 150 years with the aim of creating more fulfilling intimacy and deeper pleasure.
The word itself is derived from Sanskrit and means “web” or to weave energy, because more than anything, Tantra is about connection—with yourself and your partner. Tantra can be for anyone, and comes with no physical requirements—you don’t even need another person. While many share the practice with a partner—like Melissa and Jason in their Lustery video above - you can practice Tantric solo sex, too.
Queer-Inclusive Tantra
Traditional Tantra has been (rightfully) scrutinized for its heteronormative emphasis on concepts like polarity and sacred union between Shiva and Shakti, aka the male and female. Thankfully, this is changing along with the times, and with more and more queer folks practicing and teaching this mindful art of lovemaking.
While it’s important to continue to interrogate the language used in Tantra, I invite everyone to look at the concept of masculine and feminine energy as independent from assigned sex or gender identity. Instead, we all possess a blend of yin (feminine) and yang (masculine) energies and one of the goals of Tantra is to balance these essences within ourselves.
Benefits of Tantra and Tantric Sex
Engaging in Tantric sex can promote relaxation, calm the nervous system, and help us feel closer to our partners. It’s also a great way to get more familiar with our own and our partners’ bodies, potentially even discovering new ways to give, receive, and experience pleasure.
Pleasure, Not pressure
In a world where sex is often thought of as synonymous with penetration (and thus incomplete without an orgasm), Tantra subverts that by removing the focus from both. This doesn’t mean penetration, whether with a penis or toys, or orgasms are not welcome—far from it. It simply means that they’re not viewed as the holy grail or chased after.
Instead, the idea is to ride the waves of different types of orgasms and sensations. Some practitioners can achieve full-body orgasms without genital touch, or any other kind of touch. Some people with penises learn to climax without ejaculation, allowing them to come more than once with little to no refractory time.
These may sound like pretty alluring feats, but I nevertheless recommend approaching Tantra without a focus on mastery or reaching milestones. The aim is to reduce psychological pressure and focus on connection, not to add another set of goals.
Tantra for Sexual Dysfunction
Though Tantra should not be thought of as a cure-all for sexual dysfunction, and is not meant to replace any recommended medical treatment, reducing focus on penetrative sex can help with some very common challenges in the bedroom:
For the 80% of people with vulvas who don’t orgasm through penetration, as well as any who struggle to orgasm on the whole, alone or with a partner, Tantra offers the space to focus on other erogenous areas without any pressure to climax.
For penis-owners with erectile dysfunction, such as premature ejaculation, difficulty achieving or maintaining an erection due to psychological factors like nervousness and performance anxiety, Tantra can reduce the stress of needing an erect penis to engage in sex and intimacy by creating more space for other types of pleasurable sensations.
Peek Behind Closed Doors — Watch Real Amateur Sex
How to Have Tantric Sex
In the Lustery video How We Tantra, Sexy Hippies Jason and Melissa offer a hands-on demonstration of their personal practice, showing us that Tantra can be unpretentious and non-dogmatic. It’s all about good vibrations, presence, and connection. There’s no step-by-step recipe for how to have a session, but here are some general guidelines that can help you get started.
Set the Mood
You can practice wherever you’re most comfortable, whether that’s in your bedroom, in a tent, outside, on the porch, or anywhere else. Most important is that your space is tidy and free of distractions. You may want to avoid keeping phones or other interrupting or timekeeping devices nearby and remove chargers, electronics, piles of laundry, and other messes from your immediate surroundings.
While not required, things like low light, candles, aromatherapy, and your favorite calming music in the background can help create the desired ambiance. Do what feels good and puts you in the mood!
Just like how your surroundings should be distraction-free, so should you. A warm bath or shower doesn’t just clean your body, but can also help to ground you and clear your head. If you’ve had a full day and your brain is abuzz with tasks and to-do lists, take a few minutes to meditate, or simply lie down and breathe, to help quiet your mind.
Tune In
Start by connecting first with yourself before bringing in a potential partner. Get into a comfortable position, either seated upright or lying down, and proceed to breathe deeply. You might also feel the urge to stretch and put your body in different positions to relieve any tension. Follow your intuition, and allow yourself to do what your body tells you.
Once you’re present in your own body, bring in your partner’s. You can do this by lying down to cuddle like Melissa and Jason in the video, or even just standing or sitting across from each other. The Yab-Yum position lets you get extra close, with one partner sitting cross-legged while the other sits on their lap, facing them, ankles wrapped around their back.
Proceed to tune into your partner’s breath and energy. You may want to hold hands, gently touch or caress each other, or place a hand on each other’s hearts. Deep eye gazing can be a very intimate way to connect, while other times you may prefer to close your eyes and go within.
Explore Breath and Sound
As you continue to be fully present while exploring each other’s bodies, allow yourself to make sounds: moaning, sighing, yawning, or whatever else comes up. Don’t hold back!
Circular breathing is a breathing technique where, instead of breathing in and out at the same time, you breathe in when your partner breathes out, and vice versa. This creates the impression of circulating the same air.
As you breathe, you can focus on sending your breath between your heart chakra, the energy center located in your chest, and your sacral chakra, located in your lower abdomen. You can combine this with circular breathing and imagine that you’re sending the energy between your own and your partner’s chakras.
Go With the Flow, Without Expectations
From here, go where the vibe leads you, whether that means a long, drawn-out make-out session, mutual massages, or oral sex. Yoni or lingam (aka vulva and penis) massage, where you give attention to the entire genital area, is a wonderful way to discover previously unknown or overlooked pleasure zones. Instead of trying to give and receive simultaneously, take turns being active and passive in order to fully savor what you’re doing and what’s being done to you.
Jason and Melissa end their session with some of the most intimate lovemaking seen on Lustery. Whether your session comes to penetration is up to you, but if it does, try to continue going slowly. Don’t be afraid to get playful, either, trying different positions and just exploring each other’s bodies. Tantra doesn’t have to be serious or pristine, so feel free to laugh, be wild, or get creative and kinky in whichever way you desire.
Aftercare
It’s not just for BDSM aficionados—aftercare should be a staple after all the sex you have, especially if a really intense, energetic exchange occurs. Before you return to the real world, take the time to come down, hold and cuddle each other, or whatever else you need to create a gentle transition.
Accessible to everyone, Tantra only requires that we be fully present with each other, which in our day-to-day lives can be more challenging than it sounds. It may take some practice, but hey, winter is just starting, and the best place to be is where it’s warm and cozy. Why not trade Netflix for hours of naked exploration under the blankets instead?
