ENM Meaning Explained (and Other Open Relationship Types)
Learn what ethical non-monogamy is, how ENM differs from polyamory, and explore common non-monogamous relationship types.
ENM stands for ethical non-monogamy, an umbrella term for consensual relationships where people agree to have more than one romantic, emotional, or sexual connection. Ethical non-monogamy and consensual non-monogamy are often used interchangeably, although people may use different terms to describe their own relationships. The American Psychological Association describes consensual non-monogamy as relationships where all involved partners explicitly understand and agree to having multiple concurrent emotional or sexual partners.
There are many ways to be non-monogamous, but most relationships of this style fall into certain definable categories. It’s important to note that all of the categories discussed in this guide fall under consensual non-monogamy (CNM), meaning all parties are aware of and in agreement with the relationship style.
In other words, ENM isn’t one specific type of relationship. It’s an umbrella term that can include open relationships, polyamory, swinging, and other relationship structures based on mutual consent.
What’s the Difference Between ENM and Monogamy?
Monogamy is generally pretty straightforward – two people in a relationship, exclusive to each other. Non-monogamy, on the other hand, encompasses relationships with multiple partners.
If you’re trying to understand the ENM meaning, different types of non-monogamous relationships, or the difference between ENM v. polyamory, this guide breaks it all down.
ENM v Polyamory
The simplest way to understand the difference between ethical non-monogamy and polyamory is that ethical non-monogamy is the umbrella, while polyamory is one type of relationship under that umbrella. Polyamory specifically refers to having multiple romantic or sexual relationships with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved.
So, someone can practice ENM without identifying as polyamorous. For example, a couple who is romantically exclusive but has agreed to have sex with other people may describe themselves as being in an open relationship or practicing ENM rather than polyamory.
There is no single “correct” way to practice ethical non-monogamy. What matters is that everyone involved understands the relationship agreements and has the opportunity to consent to them.
Peek Behind Closed Doors — Watch Real Amateurs
A Guide to Non-Monogamous Relationship Types
Now that we’ve covered the ENM meaning, let’s look at some of the most common types of ethical non-monogamy and, specifically, consensual non-monogamous relationships.
The Open Relationship
Different couples have different definitions for what “open” means to them. Planned Parenthood similarly defines an open relationship as one in which two people in a committed relationship agree that they can have other sexual or romantic partners. An open relationship can mean having sex with other people, dating outside the relationship, or agreeing to specific types of outside connections. For example, couples who are open might sleep only with certain friends, exclusively on vacations, or with whoever they want, but the rules and boundaries are different for every couple.
This relationship style can be great for those who want to have new sexual experiences and multiple sexual partners while still maintaining a committed romantic relationship with one person.
The Hierarchical Poly
Poly, short for polyamory, is the practice of being in (or being open to) more than one romantic relationship at a time with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved.
People who practice hierarchical polyamory keep their partners in a hierarchy, so they are “ranked” by emotional priority and importance. There is usually one “primary” partner, who may be a spouse or life partner, while other relationships are considered “secondary.” Some hierarchical polyamorous relationships may also include agreements that give a primary partner more decision-making power over certain aspects of the relationship, although this isn't universal.
Hierarchical poly is common with people who have a spouse, life partner, or partner they have children with who they want to keep as a priority, while still exploring emotional and romantic connections with others.
The Egalitarian Poly
The other main type of polyamory is egalitarian polyamory, in which there are no prescribed hierarchies. People who practice this often have two or more partners that are of equal importance to them.
Partners can also be of varying importance due to circumstances like length of relationship and living situations, but there is no rigid hierarchy, and all partners have equal opportunities to develop their relationships. Egalitarian poly has more freedom and flexibility than hierarchical poly while still allowing for deep and lifelong relationships. Many people who practice this type of polyamory do so because they don’t feel comfortable labelling one person they love as more important than another.
Polyamory itself can take many forms. Some people have a main partner and other relationships, while others have multiple relationships without a designated primary partner.
The Triad
This is a slightly different type of category, as it is a specific relationship structure as opposed to a style of non-monogamy, but triads are so popular that they deserve a mention.
Also sometimes referred to as a “throuple,” a triad is a group of three partners who all have emotional and/or sexual connections with each other. Triads can be egalitarian, with all partners having equal connections with each other, or hierarchical, with one main couple and a secondary third.
You can learn more about triads in real life by exploring Lustery couple Elizabeth, Evie, and Jay.
Triads can also be “closed,” meaning each partner is romantically and sexually exclusive to the other two partners, and no one dates people outside of the triad. Others may be open to connections outside the triad. Triads often occur when an existing couple meets someone that they both want to develop an emotional relationship with, although there is no single way for a triad to form.
The Solo Poly
Solo polyamory might seem like a bit of a paradox, as polyamory is about relationships, and therefore not something done alone. However, solo poly is a relationship style in which people have multiple partners while maintaining a strong sense of independence and not organizing their lives around a traditional primary partnership.
Solo polyamorists have multiple partners, but at the end of the day their most important connection is the one they have with themselves. They may choose not to have a life partner, spouse, nesting partner, or partner they have children with. They have the freedom and independence of someone single while still having meaningful, exciting, emotional, as well as long-term connections with multiple people.
For some people, solo polyamory is a short-term choice while they focus on school, work, travel, or simply gaining their independence. For others, it is something that works for them long term.
The Bottom Line on ENM Meaning
Understanding ENM meaning is really about understanding the difference between an umbrella term and the many relationship structures that can exist underneath it. Ethical non-monogamy can look like an open relationship, hierarchical or egalitarian polyamory, solo polyamory, a triad, or another consensually negotiated arrangement. The important part is that everyone involved knows what the relationship entails and has agreed to it. Beyond that, ENM rules, boundaries, and relationship agreements are up to the people involved.
