How to Give a Lap Dance to Your Partner: Advice From an Ex Stripper
Grab a chair and your partner because you're about to learn everything you need to know on how to give a lap dance.
Look, let’s not beat around the bush: you want to learn how to give a lap dance, and we want to help you. And why not? Giving your partner a lap dance can be a great way to amp up the sexual tension as a form of foreplay, to practice orgasm control, or as a sexy way to increase connection.
If you’re giving a lap dance, it’s a great way to channel your erotic energy and experiment with your dominant side. And if you’re lucky enough to be the partner on the receiving end, you get to experience being teased and pleasured in a whole new way.
How to Give a Lap Dance, According to a Former Stripper
Keep reading for your Lustery POV guide on the best tips and tricks for incredible lap dances, informed by none other than Ruth Ramsay: an adult sex educator, sex coach and occasional striptease dance teacher, who previously worked as the striptease artist and lap dancer ‘Solitaire’ for over a decade.
What Is a Lap Dance?
First, let’s get some definitions out there: a lap dance is when one person strips and dances in front of another, who is sitting down.
It sounds simple, yes, but there’s plenty to consider:
- your unique style
- how much eye contact you want to give
- finding your rhythm
- whether you want to caress or grind against your partner
5 Quick Tips Before Giving a Lap Dance
To prepare, you might want to first practice your moves when you’re on your own.
- Put on sexy music
- Dim the lights
- Position yourself in front of a mirror
- Get into a flow: feel yourself
- Experiment with poses and moods that work for you
When it comes down to the IRL performance, you will want to ask your partner to sit down on a chair with their legs and feet apart. Then, you can begin. When it comes to dancing, you may want to rub your body against your partner’s to create friction and tension, and you can also slowly take off items of clothing to amp up the seduction.
Ruth Ramsay, a sex coach and former lap dancer, emphasizes that the most important thing you can do is find your own style and put that at the forefront of your performance. “My absolute top lap dance tip is to be led by your own preferences rather than trying to provide what you think your partner wants,” she says.
“My absolute top lap dance tip is to be led by your own preferences rather than trying to provide what you think your partner wants,” Ruth Ramsay, a former stripper, explains.
“You dancing to music which genuinely turns you on, in an outfit which genuinely makes you feel super hot, will be more special for both of you than you doing what you think they want, especially if it doesn’t feel right for you. Seeing you fully inhabiting your true sexual self is the thrill.”
But before you do anything: make sure you ask for consent. You don’t need to be formal, but you can ask sensually, whether in person or over text, in advance. It’s important that partners are on the same page.
Giving Lap Dances
The Importance of Staying Comfortable
“When grinding on your partner‘s lap, you are basically doing a squat and then rotating your hips while you hold that. If you are tall and the chair that your partner is sitting on is low, this will get excruciatingly painful very quickly! If you are tall, you will find it much more comfortable to lap dance barefoot rather than in heels," Ruth explains.
How to Make the Most of Facial Expressions
“Eye contact is super-important. Try not to have your back turned for too long without glancing over your shoulder. Even in a moody-themed show, smiling is also really important to show you are comfortable and having a good time.”
What to Wear
“You can wear anything at all to give a lap dance, as long as you can move freely in it. If you are going to strip as well, choose items which come off smoothly and easily.”
Approaching Your Music Choice
“Pick music which makes you feel sexual and makes your body want to move, but remember music with a slow beat is easier to dance to than fast music. Create a playlist with three tracks to dance to, and a dozen or so more that fit the same mood. That way you don’t need to leap up and change the music immediately after your dance.”
Role Play Ideas to Experiment With
“Further down the line, if you know your partner has a fantasy of being overpowered by a Dominatrix or given special service by a sexy air hostess, you can create a dance that fits their fantasy. But when you are first setting out, be authentic to what genuinely feels sexy for you.”
Naked Striptease Techniques
A crucial, and beloved, aspect of giving a lap dance is slowly peeling off layers of clothing, teasing your partner with the gradual reveal of your body. But what about if you start the dance already naked?
To keep the anticipation and tease your partner, you might want to experiment with finding ways to slowly cover parts of your body.
“If you find yourself starting a lap dance when already nude, you could use distance by staying far away from your partner at the start, keep your back turned, use your hands to cover yourself, and keep your legs together to create a tease,” Ruth adds.
Queer Lap Dances
Top Lesbian Lap Dance Tips
Lap dances aren’t just for straight couples: there are so many ways lesbian couples can experiment, too. The genre of dance includes the same sensuality, teasing, and role play regardless of the genders of the people involved.
Tip 1: Tease Differently Depending on Your Partner’s Body
For Ruth, there are some differences in terms of anatomy to be aware of, for example: “If dancing for a person with a penis, you may spend more time gyrating in their lap than otherwise.”
So, when it comes to a lesbian lap dance, you might want to tease and touch your partner’s chest — but avoid causing them any discomfort while you dance. “When dancing for someone with breasts, you may not want to lean back as heavily against them as on someone without breasts,” Ruth warns.
Tip 2: Let Their Body Language Guide You
As with all forms of play, try to stay attuned to your partner’s reactions: “Whoever you are dancing for, especially when you are having physical contact with them, pay attention to their facial expression and body language, doing more of what they are clearly enjoying.”
Can Men Give Lap Dances?
How to have the best sex of your life? Check your preconceptions at the door. In this case, remember that men don’t just enjoy lap dances: they can give them too! Have we not all seen Magic Mike?
Throughout her career, Ruth has also taught men how to do lap dancing, and stresses that the skills are transferable. “Men can absolutely give lap dances, and I have taught numerous men how to strip,” she explains.
“My teaching points are the same. But if a man is physically much larger than the person he’s dancing for, he just needs to be aware of his body weight and not sit down heavily on them. Unless that is what they are into, of course!”
Peek Behind Closed Doors — Watch Real Amateurs
Are Lap Dances With a Partner Different to Lap Dances in a Club?
An Ex Stripper Weighs In
The thought of giving a partner a lap dance – or asking your partner to give you one – can be intimidating, not least because you might be worried about how you measure up to professionals in a club or an adult theatre.
However, it’s key to remember that no one is expecting you to deliver flawless moves: it’s more about being your authentic self.
“Receiving a lap dance from your partner at home is a totally different vibe to getting one in a strip club from a stranger,” Ruth explains from her days as a stripper. “Don’t worry that you won’t ‘measure up’ to how a skilful professional lap dancer would perform; the fact that it’s you, the person your partner shares an intimate relationship with, makes it much more special.”
“Receiving a lap dance from your partner at home is a totally different vibe to getting one in a strip club from a stranger.”
In fact, it’s worth remembering that a club environment may be more reserved than what you can explore in a private setting.
“In strip clubs, physical contact between the stripper and customer is not allowed,” Ruth explains. “At home, you can do what you like, you can include sensual, connecting touch, such as running your hands through their hair, as well as raunchier grinding on the lap.”
If you’re comfortable, Ruth recommends experimenting with an element of fantasy and make-believe. “You may want to roleplay as if the two of you were in a club environment, and, particularly if you’re feeling a bit shy or nervous about giving the dance, this might help make you feel more confident. You could even give yourself a stage name.”
Why Give a Lap Dance to a Partner?
According to research, sexual exploration is closely linked to sexual wellbeing and overall mental health. When we experiment in the bedroom, we learn more about what we want in our sex lives and gain greater insight into who we are.
Lap dances can be a great way of prioritising sexual exploration in a relationship or with new partners. They’re also pretty sexy: whether you’re giving or receiving.
The Benefits of Lap Dances
For Ruth Ramsay, there are so many benefits to trying out lap dancing in an intimate setting.
“Lap dancing for your partner is a chance for you to get in touch with your inner sexual self, then share that with your partner. You can experiment with different aspects of your sexual personality, wild, coy, dominant, submissive, funny, uber-feminine or masculine, and express them through music and outfits,” Ruth Ramsay, former lap dancer.
There are also plenty of benefits for your lucky partner:
“It’s a chance for your partner to sit back and enjoy your sexual expression, without needing to do anything in return. However, they’ll be sure to want to thank you afterwards!”
Some other benefits include:
- Giving a lap dance allows you to experiment with different sexual personas
- Trying new things in the bedroom helps create intimacy
- Sexual exploration is positive for your overall sexual well-being
- Receiving a lap dance lets you witness your partner expressing themselves
Are You Ready to Give a Lap Dance?
So, there you have it! How to give a lap dance, from a tried-and-tested expert, an ex stripper themselves. But there’s only so much you can learn from reading: the best way to finesse your technique is by trying it out!
Whether going through your moves in front of a mirror, asking a willing friend if they can give you feedback on your dancing, or getting stuck in with a partner, practice makes perfect.
Whatever your style, the most important thing is feeling yourself: creating a mood and celebrating your unique sex appeal. Have fun!
